ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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