I think I died a long time ago.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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