I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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