I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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