she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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