pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Congratulations! We have a period
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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