so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
