Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
