i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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