Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
