I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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