I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
