He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
