you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
