Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everclear isn't food dammit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
