I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
