Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
