yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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