Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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