I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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