hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
