if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
