So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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