My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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