The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
