she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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