remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
