The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
