I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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