Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
