Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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