Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
