yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
