I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
