I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
