my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
