i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
