I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
