I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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