im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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