Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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