I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
