are you still at the devil's house?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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