The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
