8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
