I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
