I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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