Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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