thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
