I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
