fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
