how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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