i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize