I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
