I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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