god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
