The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize