You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
