I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
