I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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