why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
