am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
