wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
