when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
