FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
