So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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