Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
