went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
