Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
