god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love you. Go after that dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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