I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
