perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
