that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
