I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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