she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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