i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
