Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
