We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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