Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
