I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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