I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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