my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
