dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
