Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dicks are not precious.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
