party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
